This weekend, we’re looking at some mean magic. The Beamtown Bullies is a commander that will make you no friends, despite the fact that it helps you to give gifts to other players! By tapping this card during another player’s turn, you get to place a creature from your graveyard on his or her board. Lovely, innit?
No. It’s not lovely, at all.
First of all, the creature is temporary, and will be exiled during the next end step… probably. We’ll come back to that one in a moment. It also has haste and is goaded, meaning it must attack and cannot attack you if there are any other possible targets. Now, I say that the creature will be exiled at the end of the turn, but that’s only if it survives. If it’s killed in combat, or via a spell, it will return to your graveyard, from which it can be sent back out to a new recipient. One is not above regifting.
There are also plenty of really mean, borderline disgusting creatures that you can plop onto your opponent’s board using The Beamtown Bullies. Let’s take a look at 5 real stinkers you can offer up as unwanted gifts.
Boldwyr Heavyweights
Let’s start relatively gently. These tubby pals come onto the board and allow any other player to fish for a creature which will be put directly into play. Nice, eh? only the recipient of the Boldwyr Heavyweights will be denied this treat. It is then forced to attack someone other than you.
Not too bad, eh? It doesn’t really hurt the player that you gift this to, and it benefits everyone else at the table. That’s almost a group hug sort of move, isn’t it?
Yeah, that positivity won’t last…
Ebonblade Reaper
And here comes the start of the filth. Ebonblade Reaper is a weak, little creature, being just a 1/1. However, he doesn’t require his actual power to do damage. Whenever he attacks, the attacking player, who will have recieved this card against their will and freshly goaded, will immediately lose half of their current life total.
If that’s not enough, whomever the Ebonblade Reaper attacks will, if his attacks get through to the other player to do direct combat damage, cause the defending player to also lose have of his or her health.
Delicious.
Eater of Days
As bad as that last card was, this one is worse. It’s one thing to lose a chunk of life (life is a resource), but it’s quite another to lose time. Once you dump Eater of Days onto some poor soul’s board, that player is going to be able to finish their current turn and then miss their next two. Yup. Two.
I’d say it’s worth making sure that you give this to the player after their combat step, or you’re getting everything they have thrown at you. You’d deserve it, though.
Inverter of Truth
It gets worse! Inverter of Truth is vicious. It removes a player’s library from the game. You’re not leaving them empty-decked, of course. You’re giving them their graveyard as a new deck!
You know… so long as you don’t use a Bojuka Bog or Scavenger Grounds to get rid of those graveyards first.
Just be careful that you’re not giving a self-mill player exactly what they want. Generally they need to attempt to draw a card from their empty library to win, so it might be worth keeping a cheeky millstone or the like nearby just to kill them with a final mill.
Leveler
Yup.
It’s really simple, this one. Just, like, bye? No library means a loss as soon as you need to draw a card.
Again, caveats about self-mill, but a quick Codex Shredder or the like would take care of that and just take the player out of the game. If you really want to be annoying, get it in there before the player’s draw step, so that when they draw for the turn, the immediately lose.
It’s a bold, aggressive move, and if you don’t pull it off, you’ll pretty much be the player’s main target going forward. You’ll be everyone’s target going forward whether you succeed or not.
No Rerolls 
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