There was a period, some time ago, when it was the fashion for companies to put out baby-themed versions of existing properties. Muppet Babies is probably the most famous example, and likely one of the better ones, but there were several more. We had The Flintstone Kids, Tiny Toons (another good one!), A Pup Named Scooby Doo, Tom and Jerry Kids… There were likely more. Now, Jason Bradley Thompson is applying this somewhat questionable format to Dungeons & Dragons, but does it work?
I call the format questionable because many of those shows were, frankly, pretty bad. Indeed, I went into this review expecting to find a book that was short, vaguely amusing, uninspired, and ultimately forgettable. The thing is, there’s actually a lot more here than I’d anticipated. The idea sounded – I’ll be honest – pretty bad, but as I actually delved into the book, I saw that it was dealt with in such a way that I could actually quite enjoy it. let’s take a look.
A PDF review copy of this book was provided by the author with a request for me to “lemme know what you think!” No further payment was provided or promised and the views represented below are entirely my own. Any link to purchase this book will be an affiliate link through which I will earn a small commission.
Written and illustrated by Jason Bradley Thompson, this PDF is, at 76 pages, a weightier book than I had expected. Given the comedic angle that the author takes, I was expecting a lot less than I got. I was expecting some tweaks to races and classes, some feats, some suitably adorable monsters, and maybe some adventure hooks.
Instead, I got a pretty full book, with chapters that include information on:
- Character creation
- Classes
- Skills
- Feats
- Special rules
- Items
- Tables
- Spells
- A guide to playing and running the game
- A character sheet
Let’s get into it, shall we?
Playing as a baby
Creating your baby character isn’t so different to creating any D&D character. The core character creation process from 5E is still used, but with a few key differences.
The rules are a lot more involved than I’d have expected. They’re more thought through than you might expect for what seems like a whimsical supplement. There are a lot of really interesting abilities that these babies have access to. My favourite is probably Baby Chaos. This lets you spend an action to invoke the kind of chaos that only a baby has truly mastered. To invoke the chaos, you roll a D100 and consult the table. As one should expect, a 1 is pretty punishing and will see you stick your finger into the nearest electrical socket of rift to the netherworld, suffering 3D6 damage in the process. Results 16 through 35 will result in you filling your nappy. Did you really expect a baby-themed D&D supplement to not go into defecation at some point? 71 to 75 will let you vomit forth your food whilst resolving the Poison Spray spell. The highest results (91 to 100) are pretty great, allowing you to violently throw around all of your stuff, teleport 30′, defecate with the effect of a Stinking Cloud spell, or just apply a level of exhaustion to an adult creature. I’m sure there are plenty of parents who can relate to that last option!
Many of the rules don’t entirely benefit the player, but they do disadvantage them in interesting and appropriate ways. It makes sense that your charisma saves are less effective. It makes sense that stealth is not really possible when you are screaming and crying uncontrollably. And it makes sense that for a creature that can be so notoriously difficult to get to sleep, a long rest is not an automatic thing and should never be taken for granted. As I said, this is all pretty well thought through.
The classes have also been reworked. Given that this is a baby-themed version of D&D, the typical D&D classes are all in here, but with slight tweaks. As with the other added rules, these tweaks are all pretter characterful and reflective of the theme of the book. Each class also has a piece of art for flavour. These class portraits are some of my favourite pieces in the book.
Let’s take a look at just a few of the tweaks. The Druid can still use her Wild Shape, but with much stricter limitations, only turning into a creature or plant with a challenge rating of 0, rising as high as 1/4 by level 8. What’s also interesting is that baby who has not naturally developed the ability to grasp or walk yet can do so in their Wild Shape. I like this touch a lot, and it’s useful that it’s specified. Again, just indicative of things being properly considered and thought out. They can still soil themselves, of course. Because, of course.
My favourite class in D&D is the Cleric. I am all about Clerics. The rules specify that the child’s doll or stuffed toy will act as their holy symbol. There are even rules for channeling divinity from another toy that they might find on their adventures with an accompanying table to decide what exactly happens in that event. Some highlights from this D100 table include “infinite poop”, during which the child poops continually for 10 minutes, spreading poison damage as they do so. General stickiness is another one, as is some rather violent acid reflux, causing 4D6 acid damage to a target within 30 feet. There are some other, even better results that I don’t want to spoil!
Monks aren’t that interesting, but that might be my own bias as I dislike them in D&D as well.
The artwork for the Warlock caught my interest. It’s quite a bit darker and more troubling than any other piece of art in the book. That’s probably intentional, as this is a pretty evil infant. The background for the class is quite dark as well. Most of the patrons are pretty interesting but I particularly like Dr. Alraune, of whom the author writes, “Once a doctor from an advanced society, this being ascended to devilhood and now manipulates the DNA of children from the Nine Hells. Its spawn seem normal until they start crying, at which point they mutate into monsters.“.
Before you ask, because I certainly did wonder… yes. Your baby can die. Quite easily, actually. They already have pretty low hit points because most stats are already pretty scaled down. To show the vulnerability of these characters, there’s also a rule where you start counting negative health points, suffering instant death if you hit the negative equivalent of your usual maximum (e.g. -5 when your max HP is 5). This is pretty brutal, but it does make sense.
There’s a lot more in here, but I’ve picked out some of what I consider the most interesting features. I really like the tables in this book. This is a writer who can populate a table with consistently cool and interesting stuff, without it becoming too random or ridiculous – particularly impressive when the theme of the book is pretty random and ridiculous!
Other Points of Interest
The Stork!
Of course, there’s a stork in here. The Stork is built up as a pretty major character. It fulfills a few different roles for the babies, acting as caregiver, transportation, and the servant of whatever twisted Gods decided to arm babies with deadly weapons and drop them into dungeons. I love that the babies can summon The Stork through blood sacrifice, further adding to the bizarre brutality of this game. The Stork is also one of only a couple of statblocks in the book.
I thought maybe we’d see some more statblocks. The ones we do see are interesting. The Stork has already been mentioned, but the other is also really cool. The Color [sic] Elemental is summoned by a third level spell. It behaves quite differently depending on its colour. I have some Favourites. The White variant erases utterly any creature it brings to 0 HP, removing any chance of revival. The Green one spreads life, causing plants to grow around it. The Violet one is just bloody fabulous, covering nearby surfaces in finely decorated fabrics. It’s a really fun creature.
Speaking of spells, there are a bunch of new ones here. Let’s pick some more favourites. Mordenkainen’s Wondrous Walker summons the titular walker, providing movement bonuses and armour. Fur Form covers the caster in thick, colourful fur, giving resistance to bludgeoning damage, a bonus to your baby charm, and protection from cold. It sounds adorable. Food to Milk has obvious uses. The best-named spell is definitely the 2nd level spell, Gender Reveal Explosion of Death, which has different effects depending on the gender of the baby (female, male, or nonbinary). The most bizarre spell is probably Embryo Form, turning your character into a large, floating embryo with damage resistance, tremorsense, and the ability to drain time from hostile creatures. Yeah, the spell section is pretty wild!
Finally, the game comes with a customised character sheet. It looks fantastic. It’s got that hand-drawn look and gives physical inventory slots on your baby. There’s even an ‘in mouth’ slot. The pee/poop meter is likely going to be quite important in this game, too… I like the differentiation of some skills being classed as ‘grownup’ skills. These are all the Int-based skills (Arcana, Dungeoneering, History, Nature, Religion) that your baby will likely not be developed enough to truly master. I also like that some things are really explicitly spelled out, such as the fact that your baby will instantly die once it reaches a negative HP level equivalent to its positive maximum, the effects of exhaustion, and your maximum food points. There’s also a copy of my beloved baby Chaos Table because I daresay you’ll find yourself using it a lot.
Final Impressions
Okay, let’s be honest and get a negative out of the way first. I don’t like the cover. Let’s bring it back up and take a look:
The character art is fantastic. Hell, the art throughout this book is amazing. That Jason Bradley Thompson is able to balance the talents of writing and art is disgusting. He’s hogging all the talent and I hate him for it. Back on the cover, it’s not the art that I dislike (the actual character art on there looks great), but the black background and the text. The black background makes the cover feel unfinished and less polished than it could be. The lettering is just ugly. That’s a pity because it gives the impression of a book that’s a lot less developed and professional than it really is.
Because it is well-developed. It does come across as pretty professionally done. With the premise of babies in D&D I was expecting a short, humorous PDF. Well, this does have humour, and it is a PDF, but it’s certainly not short, and those 76 pages are crammed with rules and ideas for a really fun game. Nothing is random, either. That’s really important to me. Nothing feels just tacked on. Everything is done to service the core theme.
The attention to detail on this should not be overlooked. The rules are thematic, the author skillfully creates meaningful randomised tables (not something to be taken for granted in this day and age!), the character sheet is really well put together both in regard to theming and usability, and the artwork throughout the book serves to set the tone. Seriously, I really love that character sheet.
I can’t help but feel that maybe some adorable baby monsters would have been a cool addition, but would that really fit the theme? The whole point is that you are throwing babies against normal, deadly dungeons. If this were baby hero on baby monster combat, that would be adorable, but it wouldn’t have the bizarre brutality that actually makes this an interesting game, rather than just some silly, comedic supplement.
When the biggest problem I can think of is that the lettering on the cover is ugly, that’s a ringing endorsement. I’d definitely recommend this as an interesting supplement that will give your group a chance to experience a very different type of campaign. It is well-produced with a good page layout, fantastic random tables, great art, and clear and unambiguous rules-writing. The concept is an odd one, but by approaching it thoughtfully and taking it seriously in all the right ways, the author has created something quite special.
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