You thought initiative was about reflexes, tactics, and combat readiness. But let’s be honest, it’s just a glorified spotlight queue. The higher your roll, the more attention you get. The lower your roll, the more you sit there watching everyone else live your fantasy. You may as well be back at the office.
Let’s break down why initiative order is less “battle realism” and more “who gets to be cool first.”
High Rollers: The Combat Influencers
You rolled a 19. You’re first. You get to set the tone, define the stakes, and steal the drama. You’re not reacting like these other plebs. Nah, you’re performing. You’re the lead in the combat musical, and everyone else is your backup dancer.
Popularity perks:
- You get the kill shot.
- You get the cool opener.
- You get to pretend you planned it.
Emotional truth: You crave control and fear irrelevance.
Middle Rollers: The Supporting Cast
You rolled a 12. You’re not first, but you’re not last, no matter what Ricky Bobby says. You’re the meat in the initiative sandwich. You react, you adapt, and you occasionally shine, but only if the high rollers leave you scraps.
Popularity perks:
- You get to clean up messes.
- You get to say, “I was gonna do that.”
- You get to be competent but forgettable.
Emotional truth: You fear mediocrity and cope with consistency.
Low Rollers: The Forgotten Children
You rolled a 3. You’re last. Loser. You watch everyone else take turns, solve problems, and steal your thunder. By the time it’s your turn, the enemy’s dead, the plot’s moved on, and your spell is now “flavour.”
Popularity perks:
- You get to say, “I would’ve done something cool.”
- You get to hold your action and cry.
- You get to be the post-credit scene, trading snarky remarks with Tony Stark and/or Nick Fury.
Emotional truth: You fear being left behind and cope by pretending you didn’t want it anyway.
The Real Problem: You Think It’s Fair
You treat initiative like a meritocracy. It’s not. It’s a dice roll. A chaotic, arbitrary, emotionally loaded dice roll. And yet, every session, you tie your self-worth to it like it’s a Hogwarts house or another simile with fewer transphobic links
Reality check:
- The rogue always rolls high.
- The cleric always rolls low.
- The bard rolls mid and makes it weird.
Emotional truth: You crave structure in a game built on chaos, and initiative is your illusion of control.
The DM’s Perspective: Herding Cats in Turn Order
Initiative isn’t about balance. It’s about managing attention. The DM (the ultimate narcissist) is juggling plot, pacing, and player egos while pretending that this crappy system makes sense. Every round is a popularity contest disguised as tactical combat.
DM coping mechanisms:
- Pretending delay actions are strategic.
- Letting the barbarian go first to shut them up.
- Praying someone rolls a natural 1 for comic relief.
Emotional truth: You’re trying to give everyone their moment, but deep down, you know someone’s going to feel left out, and it’s probably the wizard who rolled a 2.
No Rerolls 