D&D Sucks and So Do You: Spells That Ruin the Plot (And the DM’s Will to Live)

You spent hours crafting a mystery, building tension, and weaving a delicate web of intrigue. Then the wizard cast one bloody spell and turned your campaign into a speedrun. Here are the biggest offenders: the plot-obliterating, story-shredding, session-derailing spells that make DMs cry in initiative order.

Speak with Dead: The Spoiler Summoner

You killed the NPC. You left clues. You built suspense. And then the cleric cast Speak with Dead and asked, “Who murdered you?” Congratulations, your murder mystery is now a five-question trivia round.

Plot impact: Turns “whodunit” into “he did it.”

Locate Object: The Plot Shortcut

You hid the MacGuffin behind three puzzles, a moral dilemma (screw you, Paladin!), and a dungeon crawl. But the druid just cast Locate Object and walked straight to it like it had AirTags. Hope you didn’t spend too long designing that temple.

Plot impact: Turns “epic quest” into “magical GPS.”

Divination: The DM’s Least Favorite Email

The party casts Divination and asks their god what to do next. Now you’re roleplaying a deity, improvising cryptic riddles, and trying not to accidentally spoil your own plot. Bonus points if they cast it every long rest.

Plot impact: Turns “player agency” into “divine customer support.”

Zone of Truth: The Interrogation Bypass

You wrote a morally gray NPC with layers of nuance and secrets. The party casts Zone of Truth and asks, “Are you evil?” Now you’re either lying (and breaking the rules) or watching your intrigue unravel in six seconds.

Plot impact: Turns “tense negotiation” into “yes/no questionnaire.”

Teleport: The Travel-Skipping Menace

You planned a harrowing journey across a cursed wasteland. You had encounters, NPCs, and emotional growth lined up. But the wizard just Teleported the party to the final boss’s doorstep. Hope you like improvising!

Plot impact: Turns “epic journey” into “fast travel unlocked.”

Invisibility: The Stealth Cheat Code

You built a fortress. You filled it with guards, traps, and alarms. The rogue casts Invisibility and walks through it like a ghost with a grudge. Suddenly, your infiltration arc is a solo act with no stakes.

Plot impact: Turns “heist session” into “solo speedrun.”

Greater Restoration: The Consequence Eraser

You cursed the party. You gave them a ticking clock. You built tension. And then the cleric cast Greater Restoration and deleted your entire subplot like a bad save file. Emotional arcs? Never heard of them, pal.

Plot impact: Turns “character development” into “Ctrl+Z.”

Wish: The Campaign Ender

Wish is the nuclear option. It’s the spell equivalent of flipping the table and declaring victory. You can’t plan around it. You can only pray they don’t use it to resurrect the villain, undo the plot, or wish for “no more problems ever.” I may or may not have broken a world with this before…

Plot impact: Turns “campaign” into “creative writing exercise.”